The last couple days have been kinda strange, first I had an allergic reaction to Kiwis, not good. Then last night I got a headache, who knows why. So I was only able to blog my food and go to bed. I didn’t even get pictures up and I took them! So I will post them on the Food Porn page, last nights veggies were yummy! Sadly I had never thought to oven roast them before, I am having so much fun in the kitchen learning new things.
I’m really excited, cause my friend Summer (who is a chef) is going to give me a few cooking lessons on somethings I have always wanted to know how to cook, but been scared to attempt on my own. I will be creating a list and of course sharing the outcome of the lessons! Woo hoo! Cant wait.
Some Odds and Ends
(Kinda long, so grab a glass of water or some tea)
Last month on Jan 17th I declared on my Facebook page that I would give up Ice cream for 30 days.
I LOVE ICE CREAM.
My favorites are in, random order; Rocky Road, Chocolate Malted Crunch, Pistachio, French Vanilla Bean, Chunky Monkey and Mint Chip…. Yes Yes I do LOVE Ice Cream. But I have some goals I want to hit, like losing 9 lbs ( I like to set small goals, so I can get excited when I hit them and then reset again. If I have to look at my BIG goal all at once it is very overwhelming. But that’s another blog for another day) At this point it has been 24 days since I last had any ice cream, including frozen yogurt. I figured that was to close to ice cream and I might cave. I have to say, I actually don’t miss it. I even walked into Rite Aid, and walked past the ice cream counter and freezer section.. I may have left nose prints on the glass, but none of those lovely boxes came home with me. I wont say its been easy cause I like the texture and the creaminess of ice cream. But when I look at the pros and cons of what it does to my body I have to remember it is not worth it right now. I’m not trying to punish myself, just once again making choices.
What has really it it home for me, is that my Personal Trainer (Steph) has had me running since the beginning of January. So I put it into perspective (again). If you are an Ice Cream junkie like me, do this pick up 2 half gallons of ice cream now run around with them for about 10-15 mins, eventually you will get tired of carrying them around and they will start to get heavy. My thought is I am eating it, I am doing the same thing. I am carrying around every carton or scoop of ice cream I am eating..
When you go to buy running shoes the sales man will tell you how much each shoe weighs, down to ounces. ( can you imagine someone saying that about you?) As the man was telling me “you will love this shoe, it is feather lite, you wont even notice it on your foot, the weight wont bog you down” My inside chatter was saying “um dude take a look at me do you really think I’m gonna notice a shoe?? I have fat that is heavier then those shoes..” But I smiled and listened and thought well shit if something on me is going to be light it will be my shoes.. So I bought them.
If you are over weight like me, and have never ran before, let me tell you it is an experience.. In so many ways good and bad.
First the bad, when your foot hits the floor (and I don’t say this to be self -degrading) you feel every ounce of fat on your body jiggle. Its true. I wont lie, my first thought was eeew oooh I don’t like this WTF, noo my body shouldn’t do that.. this isn’t natural, I shouldn’t have bought those running shoes.. then later it was ooow oohh I didn’t know fat could hurt.. SOO my fat and I had a chat. ( Yes every once in awhile it does you good to talk to your fat) I said look here I know we have been together for a long time and hey I even helped your success in multiplying. But I don’t think this running things is going away so um yea ya all need to leave, don’t worry we wont miss each other, its for the best. Yes I decided to break up with my fat.
Of course Fat dosen’t just give up.. No No. It tells the body “HA HA she thinks I’m gonna go without a fight, I have been here for 10 years and she thinks I’m going away??? nope.” So Fat told the Brain “Hey make her crave carbs… HAA HAA” So the brain did and I had a mass carb craving attack. So I texted Steph and said HELP CARB ATTACK ! She talked me down from the ledge and helped me make a wise carb choice (cause you know if sometimes you dont give the body want it wants, it will keep bugging) so whole grain pasta it was! Yes Fat has its way, just gotta be aware and hopefully you have a support team to help you out! I cant stress that enough
So the pros of running. When Steph first told me “I want to you to start running” I said “WHAT?” she said “Run“, it was one of those moments where I thought I hit a foreign film and I no longer understood her, I think she said “Ya know move your feet fast.” My brain, my fat and my muscles all said WHAT? and then I had to run. After I ran, I wanted to puke. I asked her why would anyone want to do this on purpose??? I went home and of course got on Facebook and hit up all my friends that I know run and asked WHY WHY WHY do you do this? I must understand. I got a lot of different responses. Some said , its the only time I am free, I love the sound of my feet gently hitting the ground ( gently? oh boy) the rush I get after I run, no one can tell me what to do when I run and so on. I sat there in disbelief. I want all that. Then something even more amazing happen in that moment. They all offered to support me in anyway they could to help me get to my goal! Some of them I dont even really know, and when I posted I ‘ran’ 1/4 of mile and almost puked —– they cheered me on and said way to go, you did it! It was like I just joined a secret club, I have one friend on FB (I actually know him) in Georgia and he runs almost everyday, he gave me some pointers and told me why he like to run and said the most important thing is to “Do it.” My other friend that lives local, cheers me on and suggested some reading material, so I just requested it from the library ( Born to Run). But here is something I noticed within myself. I am an extremely competitive person, I really don’t like to lose at sports. I’m a bad loser but I am a an even worse winner. When you run, you are only against yourself, people told me my mind would go blank – I was like RIIGHT, and then one day I was on the tred mill and BAM it happen I went blank. I started wearing compression clothes so my Fat couldn’t complain. It seems to help. I am still at a walk/ run but I am working my way up. I have nothing to lose, except the ol fat and like I said I’m ready for that to be gone, and everything positive to gain. Strength, self -confidence, and a Desire to do more! Sitting on the couch and doing nothing is not an option (unless I’m tired) When I first started going to the gym, and Steph would tell me we were going to do something harder or add more weight, my first internal thought was oh man I cant do that. what if I fail?, what if I get hurt? what if I make an ass out of myself? But then I had to shake it off and thought but what if I succeed? what if I get stronger so I don’t get hurt? what if I rock this?
I’m not saying I don’t grumble when Steph ups my weight, I am human. But I have changed my outlook. I WANT this, I ASKED for it and I will ROCK this.
My goals for the next couple months is to lose 9 lbs and get into a size 14. I am so close!
And I have to say having a supportive husband is SO freaking helpful, I know I am lucky. He does not sabotage me, he high fives me on my success and does not reward me with food. Actually when I want something that is not on my list of what I consider good foods, his first response is “Ok I will take you and you will eat it, but is it worth it and are you going to tell Steph?” Not that Steph will punish me, cause she isn’t like that, but he knows that I respect her and by eating whatever, is like slapping her in the face. She is there to support MY goals and she does and she works hard to push me to them. But it helps having that accountability. I enjoy having her in my life, not only as my trainer but as a friend. Brent and I recently painted and cleaned out his office, but he made sure there was space for the tred mill so I could continue with my progress. It’s my little space in his office. I am so grateful for that. The irony is, when he bought the tredmill it was for him and I wanted nothing to do with it, and now he is making space for me.
I hope this inspires someone who is sitting on the couch thinking “I cant do it”, “I will be judged cause I am fat”, to get off the couch and break up with their fat. Its really not a healthy relationship.